- [First lines of the series]
- Mr. Turner: Thanks for babysitting tonight, Vicky. Timmy just loves making new friends, don't you Timmy?
- Vicky: No problem, Mr. Turner! I just love Timmy. We're gonna be best pals! [grabs Timmy] Right, Timmy?
- Timmy: Oxygen... darkness!
- Vicky: All right, squirt, three things: 1) Stay out of my way. 2) Go to bed early. 3) Do the dishes.
- Timmy: Mom told you to do 'em!
- Vicky: Oh yeah... well, you wouldn't want her to find this magazine, would you? [holds up a magazine titled "Chix"]
- Timmy: That's not mine! Mom will never believe you!
- Vicky: (chuckles) Oh, I wouldn't say that; it works great at my house! Just ask my little brother (dials on the phone)
- Vicky's little brother: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
- Timmy: Okay, okay! I'll do it!
- Timmy: Hey, you ate all the pizza!
- Vicky: Relax, runt, I saved you a piece (shows anchovies on the pizza)
- Timmy: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Vicky: Oh, so it is (The World of Lipglose, Vicky's favorite TV Show)! (laughs evilly, walks away)
- Timmy: VERY FUNNY!!! (slams door shut, picks up Magic 9-Ball)
- Timmy: Oh Magic 9-Ball, when will my parents get back from the movies? [reading answer] Titanic: Director's Cut?! They'll be there all night! Man, that's dumb!
- (throws the Magic 9-Ball at the wall, causing it to break open. A magic aura forms from the ball, then swirls into thin air, bringing forth the entrance of Cosmo and Wanda)
- Cosmo and Wanda: HEY, TIMMY!
- Cosmo: I'm Cosmo
- Wanda: I'm Wanda
- Cosmo and Wanda: And we're... YOUR FAIRY GODPARENTS!
- Wanda: What do you think, Timmy?
- Timmy: I think I'm calling the cops.
- Timmy: Why are you here?
- Cosmo: We wanna help you! We're magic, (throws fairy dust) ohh, magic, (throws fairy dust) ohh!
- Wanda: We grant wishes (giggles)!
- Vicky: What's going on in here...
- Timmy: Nothing.
- Vicky: What's with the fish...?
- Timmy: Uh, those are my godfish-- goldfish!
- Vicky: Fish are riddled with germs. I wouldn't want you getting sick. Maybe I should flush 'em!
- Timmy: No!
- Cosmo: Should we do something?
- Wanda: Well, he's got to wish for it first!
- Cosmo: Ooh, I hate that rule.
- Wanda: I'm calling a union meeting.
- Vicky: I want those disgusting creatures out of here or it's toilet time for the two of them!
- Wanda: [sarcastically] Sweet girl.
- Cosmo: I love her fangs.
- Timmy: Can you make her into a giant chocolate shake?
- Cosmo: Oooh, may I, Pookie?
- Wanda: Of course, Stallion.
- (Cosmo turns Vicky into a giant snake)
- Timmy: Aaaaahhhhh!
- Wanda: He said "chocolate SHAKE," not "chocolate SNAKE!"
- Cosmo: [Looking at his wand] I gotta get this thing fixed!
- Vicky: You can't do this to me! I'm the babysitter!
- Wanda: [sits on Vicky, as a giant baby] Goo goo!
- Cosmo: [as Groucho Marx] That's the first time the baby ever sat on the sitter!
- Vicky: Help!
- Cosmo: Sorry! The secret word was pie! [throws a pie in Vicky's face]
- (Vicky screams, gets out of Cosmo, who is a whale)
- Cosmo: Sorry, is it my breath?
- Cosmo: [as a train] WOO WOO BABY, WOO WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Timmy: Hey mom, Vicky's the best friend ever! Can she babysit all the time?
- Mrs. Turner: Of course, dear.
- Cosmo: Looks like we'll be here a while!
- Wanda: Well, at least we'll be clean (both laugh, waddle into their castle, leaving behind the heart)
- Cosmo: I am your father! (breaks the 4th wall by looking at the viewers) I always wanted to say that.
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