|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|"The Boy Who Would Be Queen"|
|Airdate:||September 7, 2001|
Episode starts in the school yard. Timmy, Elmer, Chester and AJ are sitting at a picnic bench. Timmy is watching television on a small screen in his hands, while his friends all eat their sandwiches in sync.
Elmer: Any idea what they're talking about?
Elmer, Chester and AJ glance over at Trixie and Veronica.
Trixie and Veronica: Bla bla, shopping! Bla bla, clothes! Bla bla, hair! Bla bla, boy bands! Bla bla, we'll never notice you!
AJ: No, I don't speak girl.
Timmy: No, Roderick! Don't do it! She'll betray you again! (On his television screen, a man opens a box with a ring in it and a lady smiles at him)
Elmer: Timmy sir, are you watching one of those dumb, girly soap operas?
Timmy: Hey! There's plenty of action on this show!
Announcer man onscreen: We'll be back with more of the Kissy Kissy Goo Goo romance hour right after this! (blows a kiss at the camera, and Timmy blows one back)
Elmer, Chester and AJ are staring at Timmy, looking shocked
Timmy: What? I like the writing.
Trixie: (waving an invitation in the air) Bla bla, bla bla bla!
Timmy: Dude, what's she saying? What's she saying?
AJ: Hang on! (pulls out a machine with headphones) Let me use my girl-to-geek translator!
Trixie: Bla bla bla, bla bla! Bla bla bla, who, bla bla bla, didn't, bla bla bla, get invited to my birthday party tomorrow?
Timmy, Elmer, Chester and AJ raise their hands
Trixie: (ripping up the invitations) Well, that's everybody who's anybody!
Chester: Great, another year, another Trixie Tang birthday party we didn't get invited to.
Timmy: Not this time. Watch this. (gets up out of his seat and walks over to Trixie) Hi, Trixie! (notices he is still raising his hand and quickly puts it down) Bla bla bla! Bla bla bla bla bla bla!
Trixie: Any idea what he's saying?
Veronica: Nope. I don't speak geek.
Timmy: Too bad we can't come to your party, bla bla bla, because I got you a, bla bla, really great gift!
Trixie: I heard that! (snaps her fingers and Veronica hands her more invitations) Here you go, Tommy! The party's tomorrow, and don't forget my gift! (Trixie hands Timmy the invitations, and Veronica sticks her tongue out at Timmy before both girls leave)
Chester: Great lie, dude!
AJ: He's right! You don't have a gift for Trixie.
Timmy: Yet! Now all I have to do is impress her with the right gift, and she'll never forget my name again!
Girl onscreen: Roderick! Could you ever forgive me?
Timmy: (glances at the screen) I've gotta go. Roderick, no! (runs away)
Timmy is now in his bedroom, searching under his bed for a gift good enough for Trixie. Cosmo and Wanda are floating above him.
Timmy: Wish I knew what kind of gifts girls like. Hey, do girls like stink bombs?
Cosmo: Well, how about dead frogs? (poofs up a dead frog, which lands on Wanda's head)
Timmy: No, girls don't like them and neither do I. (the frog lands on Timmy's head)
Wanda: Sorry, sweetie. You're not thinking like a girl.
Cosmo: Yeah, face it, Timmy! The only way you could think like a girl is if you wished you were one!
Timmy: Ha! Like I'd wish I was a girl! Ha, ha! What a waste of a wish! Ha, ha, ha, ha! (Cosmo and Timmy both continue to laugh)
Cosmo: Yeah, what a waste! You're right! How stupid!
Wanda gets annoyed and zaps Timmy with her wand. A whole bunch of flowers and butterflies cover him, and when they move to the sides, Timmy is revealed to be Timantha. Cosmo bites his nails. Timantha pulls on the end of her ponytail and the collar of her blouse, then runs to the mirror and reaches out to be sure that it is really her. She turns around and screams in a high-pitch girl voice.
Timantha: What did you do? I didn't wish for this! (she poses and hears someone whistle, so she returns to her usual stance)
Wanda: (polishing her nails with the edge of her wand) Well, you said 'I', 'wish' and 'girl'.
Timantha: Oh, yeah? Well, well, you know what I think?
Cosmo: Who cares what you think? You're a girl now, ha ha ha ha!
Timantha tries to think, and a thought bubble appears above her head. She can only think about girly things such as the color pink, ballerinas, unicorns, bunnies and rainbows.
Timantha: Hey! I think like a girl now. I can totally use my girl brain and try to figure out what to get Trixie for her birthday!
Cosmo: Hey, that's a great idea, little girly girly! (flutters eyelashes and twirls around like a ballerina)
Wanda: Can I get the door for you, ma'am? (opens the door)
Cosmo and Wanda laugh while Timantha glares at them.
Timantha: No! I'm off to the mall to find something Trixie will like. But just so you two have something to laugh at while I'm gone, I wish you were a woman (points at Cosmo) and you (points at Wanda) were a man!
Cosmo and Wanda: What?
Timantha: You're my godparents, no choice!
Cosmo and Wanda switch genders.
Timantha: Congratulations! You're now Cosma and Wando!
Cosma: What's happening? How come I suddenly know which boy bands rock out loud?
Wando: I don't know! Why am I tempted to scratch myself and not care who sees?
Timantha: See ya! (leaves)
Timantha is now walking through the mall, on tiptoes like a ballerina, holding a purse.
Timantha: Think like a girl, think like a girl, think like a- (sees a comic book store) Oooh! The comic book store! Do I still like comics? (thought bubble appears above her head) Muscular guys in spandex fighting crime... Cool! ...right?. (she walks over to the comic book store, and, unknown to her, Chester and AJ are watching her from a distance)
AJ: Do you see what I'm seeing?
Chester: Yeah! Dude, a girl who actually likes comics? What's up with that?
AJ: I don't know, but I'm going to stare at her until she feels so awkward, she'll have to talk to me. (pink heart bubbles appear around his head)
Chester: What? AJ! Snap out of it! No! I've lost him! AJ! Come back!
Inside the comic book store...
Timantha: (looking at a magazine) Cool! Skull Squisher #3! And there's only one left! (Timantha tries to grab the magazine, but a boy grabs it as well) Hey! That's mine! Let go! It's mine! Mine! Mine! (Both children fight over the magazine. They both fall backward, and Timantha is holding the magazine, though it's a little ripped. Timantha holds up the magazine and laughs, until she realizes that the boy's hat fell off and she can see their face. It's actually a girl-Trixie, to be exact. As soon as Trixie realizes that Timantha can see she's a girl, she quickly picks up her hat.)
Timantha: Trixie Tang?
Trixie: No! I'm in here by accident! Understand? Accident! (puts her hair back under her hat and covers Timantha's mouth with her hand) If the word gets out I like boy stuff, all my friends will think I'm weird. Please, please this our secret, girl-to-girl. (takes her hand off of Timantha's mouth)
Timantha: Well, okay!
Trixie: Deal! (shakes Timantha's hand) Deal! You're my new best friend! (takes out a photo of Veronica, rips it in half, and, elsewhere in the mall, Veronica screams and drops all her bags)
Trixie: Well, you know me, who are you?
'Timantha': I'm Tim- antha?
Trixie: Okay, Timantha! Meet me outside Smuky-Dales in an hour. We can mall and stuff! (leaves)
Timantha: Wow! She likes boy stuff, too! (notices AJ and Chester staring at her) Uh, hi?
AJ: (holds up a dead frog) Dead frog?
Chester: Don't do it! It's a trap! (jumps on AJ, causing the frog to hit Timantha in the face)
Timantha: Boy or girl, that's still gross.
In Timmy's room, Wando is sitting on a floating recliner, watching TV, and eating a chili dog. He burps loudly.
Wando: Are you ready yet? We were supposed to meet Timmy at the mall fifteen minutes ago. (drinks soda)
Cosma: Oh, what do you think? (holds up two dresses) This or this? Which goes better with my eyes?
Wando: Just pick something!
Cosma: Oh, I give up! (flies into the bathroom to change) Would it kill you to leave the lid down?
Wando: Would it kill you to look before you sit? (drinks more soda and burps again)
The viewer sees Timantha and Trixie are at a salon.
Timantha: This feels great!
Trixie: It's like they're scrubbing all your troubles away!
Timantha: And they're showing my favorite soap opera! (Kissy Kissy Goo Goo is on TV) This place rules!
Trixie: If only I could meet a boy confident enough to admit he likes Kissy Kissy Goo Goo. I'd go out with him even if he wore a stupid pink hat.
Timantha: Really? But I bet he'd never come in here!
Trixie: Well, he should! If boys did more girl stuff, then girls would be able to do more boy stuff! (pulls out Skull Squisher #3 and begins to read it)
Timantha: You know what, Trixie? You're right. Come on! (pulls Trixie out of her seat and through the mall)
Trixie: Where are we going?
Timantha: Where girls fear to tread!
At the arcade, a bunch of boys are playing video games. Then Chester sniffs the air.
Chester: Girls! (Trixie and Timantha are standing nearby.)
AJ: (pulls out out a dead frog) Dead frog?
Chester screams and grabs AJ, quickly pulling him away from the girls.
AJ: No! Wait!
Chester: I'm doing this for your own good! Stop resisting! Run!
In the boys' bathroom, Chester and AJ are standing in front of the door, and Chester is hammering up boards.
Chester: I don't know what's up with those girls, but we're safe in here.
AJ: Don't you think you're overreacting?
Chester: Dude, boys like comics. Girls like dolls. Boys like video games. Girls like makeup. We're different! That's why we have different bathrooms! (Veronica walks out of a stall)
Veronica: Um, am I in the wrong room?
Chester: (screams) Nothing makes sense anymore!
AJ: (holds out a frog) Frog?
In front of the mall, Trixie and Timantha are talking.
Timantha: It was nice meeting you, Trixie.
Trixie: You know, all week, people have been asking me what I wanted for my birthday. And you've given it to me.
Timantha: I have?
Trixie: You've given me a friend who likes me for who I am.
Timantha: That's all you wanted for your birthday? A friend?
Trixie: Yep. Someone who isn't afraid to say, "Hey, I like Kissy Kissy Goo Goo and Skull Squisher!" If you were a boy, I'd totally date you. See you at my party! Bye!
Timantha: Oh, you'll see me all right.
At Trixie's house, the party is going on.
Timantha: Okay, it's party time! I wish I was a boy again! (Cosma and Wando turn Timantha back into Timmy)
Cosma: Hey, what about us? Aren't you going to change us? Bla bla bla! Bla bla! (Timmy runs away)
In Trixie's house...
Chester: Happy birthday, Trixie! (he and AJ hand Trixie presents)
Trixie: Thanks, uh, who are they?
Bodyguard: Uh, who cares?
Trixie: Right! (the bodyguard tosses the presents into the fireplace)
Chester: See? I told you firewood was the perfect gift.
Trixie: Is she here? Did you check?
Bodyguard: I'm sorry, that's all the guests, Miss Tang. Nobody named Timantha is at this party.
Timmy: Happy birthday, Trixie!
Chester: Dude, where's your gift?
Timmy: I brought a special kind of gift. Something you can't wrap up and put in a box.
AJ: Is it a deadly germ?
Chester: A ghost?
Timmy: Nope. Even better than a deadly germ or a ghost. Trixie... ahem. Bla, like you know, I like you for who you are. Bla bla bla bla. Not who everyone expects you to be. A friend to you. Someone who isn't afraid to say, "Hey, I like Kissy Kissy Goo Goo and Skull Squisher!"
Trixie: Oh my gosh. That's so sweet! But... (looks at everyone's shocked expressions) That's what I have girlfriends for. Security!
Timmy: Huh? (the bodyguard pulls a lever)
Trixie: Bye, Timmy Turner!
Timmy: Hey, you remembered my name! (Timmy is catapulted out of the party)
Cosma: Told you she'd want a gift!
Timmy: It worked! Because I treated Trixie like a person instead of just a girl, she remembered my name!
Wando: But she catapulted you out of the party!
Timmy: Yeah, but she did it with love! And that never would've happened if you hadn't made me a girl! Thanks. But don't ever do it again!
Timmy: I wish you guys were back to the way you were born. (Wando and Cosma change back to Wanda and Cosmo, and Cosmo has a nose resembling Schnozmo's)
Cosmo: What? This is the nose I was born with! Can't a guy do something to make himself look pretty? Bla bla? Bla! Bla bla! Bla bla bla bla!
Wanda: Well, your parents don't expect you home for a few hours. What do you wanna do now?
At the salon, Timmy is getting a manicure.
Timmy: It's like they're scrubbing all my troubles away!
Lady: I've never met a boy insensitive enough to walk in here by himself. I totally want you to date my daughter!
Another lady: No, he should date mine!
Wanda: I'm so proud of Timmy!
Cosmo: He finally figured out that women love insensitivity!
Cosmo: And if you can fake that, you're in!
Wanda, who is disguised as a can of hairspray, sprays him.
Man on TV: I've got bad news. Roderick asked for a raise and is off the show. I mean, fell down an elevator shaft!
Girls in the salon: Roderick, no!
Timmy: Hey, who wants to watch wrestling?
Girls in the salon: We do!
Timmy changes the channel on the TV.
Announcer: And Roderick has his evil twin Roderick in a toehold!
Girls in salon and Timmy: Roderick, no!