|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||April 6, 2001|
Alien: Puny humans, we will now suck out your brains with bendy straws!
Captain Lazerpants: You can suck out our minds, livers, and spleens, but we will never surrender!
Alien: Silence, Captain Lazerpants, no one can save you now! [sticks a straw in Captain Lazerpants' forehead]
[All of a sudden, Crash Nebula smashes through the wall and enters the scene.]
Alien: It's Crash Nebula!
Crash Nebula: [to alien] Intergalactic scum, your reign of terror ends now! [fires a cannon at the aliens, but they dodge it]
[Zoom out to reveal that it is a TV show that Timmy and his friends Chester and A.J. are watching. The Crash Nebula theme then plays and a dramatic fight between Crash Nebula and the aliens begins on the TV.]
Timmy: It's pretty cool, huh, Chester?
Chester: Yeah! Don't you think, A.J.?
TV Narrator: Will Crash Nebula escape the evil clutches of the Clutchulacs? Tune in next week for another exciting episode of... Crash Nebula!
Timmy: That was the best episode ever! Right, guys? ...Guys?
Chester and A.J.: ............GET HIM!! [whip out Crash Nebula gear and point their Crash Nebula toy weapons at Timmy, who blocks their attack with a plate]
Timmy: Meddling humans! You'll never catch me! [kicks over table, shaking the ceiling downstairs]
[Cut to the downstairs living room, where Vicky notices the slight rumbling coming from upstairs.]
Vicky: I smell fun.
[Cut back upstairs, where Chester and A.J. are still shooting a purple liquid at Timmy, who is shielded by the flipped table.]
[Pan to outer space, where Cosmo and Wanda are riding in a spaceship.]
Cosmo: Aye aye, Captain Timmy sir!
Wanda: Uh, he said Mother ship. That means I'm in charge. Awaiting orders, your space macho-ness!
Timmy: [back on earth] I need more firepower!
Wanda: You've got it, kiddo. [to Cosmo] More firepower, lackey.
Cosmo: I want a Father ship next time!
[Cosmo poofs Timmy into a Crash Nebula suit with a giant cannon in the arm slot, which Timmy promptly uses to shoot a giant hole in his bedroom wall after Chester and A.J. dodge it.]
Chester and A.J.: Cool!
Chester: [to Timmy] Killer Crash suit, dude!
A.J.: [to Timmy] Yeah! Wherever did you get it?
Chester: Cool! Now all we need is an alien and we can reenact episode 621 of Crash Nebula.
[Cosmo and Wanda poof back into their fishbowl]
Timmy: [whispers to Cosmo and Wanda] I wish we had an alien monster to play with.
Timmy: [whispers to Cosmo and Wanda] Great job on the alien, guys. It's so lifelike!
Wanda: Of course it is. He's real. We're... not so good at creating aliens.
Cosmo: So we borrowed one.
[Cut to Yugopotamia where Yugopotamian Queen Jipjorrulac is pacing the floor.]
King Gripullon: Queen Jipjorrulac, you seem troubled.
Queen Jipjorrulac: Yes, King Gripullon. Our son hasn't tortured the prisoners yet today.
King Gripullon: Hmm. That's not like Mark... [to hi-tech robot computer] Computer, find Mark.
Computer: Uh, readings show that your son has been taken to Earth.
King Gripullon: [with fear] Ohoho, not Earth! Assemble the star destroyers. We'll blow up that foul planet and get our son back! [Queen Jipjorrulac glares at him] Uh, not necessarily in that order.
[Cut to Earth to Timmy's house]
Mark: Aaaah! [menacing cry]
A.J.: Amazing! A fully-automated, animatronic space alien!
Mark: PUNY HUMANS! ...Wassup? I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR BRAINS THROUGH THESE BENDY STRAWS! [holds up straws] Heh.
Chester: Cool! Actual Crash Nebula dialogue!
Mark: You earth children..aren't afraid of me? ...Or my straws?
Chester: sniff sniff...Hey! Authentic alien bad breath!
[Vicky bursts into the room.]
Vicky: I'm telling you for the last time... KEEP IT QUIET UP HERE!!! [Timmy, Chester, and A.J. are shaking with fear]
Mark: She's terrified the children in a way I could not. [stares at Vicky dreamily with little hearts surrounding him]
Vicky: You with the stupid alien costume--you're OUTTA HERE! [grabs Mark by the tentacle and walks him out the room]
Timmy: But Vicky--
Vicky: You can play with your geek buddy after you clean THIS ROOM!
Mark: [lovingly] Ooh, she's so... FORCEFUL! [Vicky slams door as she pulls Mark out the room]
[Cut to King Gripullon and Queen Jipjorrulac driving a Yugopotamian space ship through space. The ship is blasting every planet in sight.]
Queen Jipjorrulac: You wouldn't have to blow up all these planets if you'd just stop for directions!
King Gripullon: Quiet, I'm still the king around here...
Queen Jipjorrulac: King of getting lost.
King Gripullon: Silence!!
[Pan out to Cosmo and Wanda watching this scene from a mini-TV in their fishbowl. Timmy, Chester, and A.J. are cleaning Timmy's room.]
Cosmo: Pssst, Timmy!
Timmy: What is it?
Wanda: We have good news and bad news.
Timmy: What's the good news?
Cosmo: The alien we got you is actually a prince from the dreaded war planet Yugopotamia.
Wanda: And his parents are on his way to destroy the Earth and rescue their son.
Timmy: What's the bad news??
Wanda: Oh, wait--that was the bad news.
Timmy: [angrily] Then what's the good news?!?
Cosmo: I found a nickel!
Timmy: Okay, then... I wish the alien was back home.
[Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands, but their wands do not light up.]
Timmy: Well? Is he gone?
Timmy: More good news, nickel boy?
Cosmo: MY NICKEL! [clutches nickel tightly, dashes back to the castle in the goldfish bowl, and slams the door]
Wanda: It seems our alien prince has fallen in love with Vicky, and Da Rules say we can't interfere with true love.
Cosmo: [pops out of the castle] We've got to talk the alien out of loving Vicky!
[Zoom out to see Chester and A.J. staring at Timmy and his conversation with his goldfish godparents.]
Chester: ...Dude, are you talking to your fish?
Timmy: Yes. UHH, guys! We need to get the alien away from Vicky. It's, uhh... a collectible.
A.J.: Superlative! Hmm, so why would she take it? She's not even a fan!
Chester: She'll probably sell it to buy makeup and other girl stuff! Let's go.
[Cut to Mark dusting the living room table while Vicky is sitting on the sofa.]
Vicky: Y'know, I could sell your stupid costume for makeup and other girl stuff.
Mark: Vicky, the fear you instilled in the young ones was enchanting.
Vicky: ...You talk funny. Are you from Europe or something?
Mark: I'm a warrior prince from Yugopotamia. ...My name is Mark!
Vicky: Yech. You're a foreign exchange student. Take off that stupid costume!
Mark: Does this form not appease you?
Vicky: [sighs] Look, if you want to please me so much, why don't you make me a chocolate shake?
Mark: CHOCOLATE?! T-That's like the foulest substance known on my planet!! Ahah...you ROCK! [goes into kitchen while admiring Vicky]
[Cut to Mark in the kitchen blending up a chocolate milkshake. Chester and A.J. suddenly enter the room.]
Chester: Alien toy! We're here to save you from Vicky!
Mark: I do not wish to be saved from Vicky.
A.J.: Vicky's the foulest, most evil creature of the universe!
Mark: I know, isn't she awesome? You two will make excellent appetizers for Vicky. [presses a button on his belt that squirts a purple substance at the kids, sticking them to the wall]
A.J.: Cool! This is just like what happened in today's Crash Nebula episode!
[Cut to the living room where Mark is giving Vicky the chocolate shake and gazing at her lovingly. Timmy is watching the scene from the second floor.]
Timmy: Yuck. How could anyone fall in love with HER?
[Wanda then look at her wand, which shows the image of the Yugopotamian ship coming closer to Earth to destroy it.]
Wanda: Timmy, uh, there's something we've got to show you. [poofs up a telescope for Timmy to see the Mother ship being destroyed] Looks like we have less time than we thought.
Timmy: Oh no! I better go talk to the alien's parents. Maybe they can talk some sense into their son.
Wanda: Good idea. We can't destroy true love...
Cosmo: ...But parents can! [poofs Timmy, Wanda, and himself onto the Yugopotamian ship]
[Cut to inside the Yugopotamian ship where a Yugopotamian guard stops the trio.]
Yugopotamian Guard: Halt! Who goes there?
Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy of Earth. We need to speak with Mark's parents.
Yugopotamian Guard: If the king and queen you wish to see, then you must face the perils three. Now, puny human--you must skip across the dreaded... [a flowerbed appears] field of flowers.
Cosmo: They're beautiful! I mean, gasp!
Timmy: Well, here goes nothing. Really. [prances through the flowers with ease]
Queen Jipjorrulac: Amazing! The flowers touch his skin, but he neither burns nor bleeds!
[All the Yugopotamians gasp with awe.]
Yugopotamian Guard: Behold, the second task. You must hug the galaxy's cutest and softest teddy bear! [giant metal box appears and opens, revealing a pink teddy bear]
Cosmo: You can do it, Timmy!
Wanda: The fate of the Earth depends on it!
Timmy: Oh, alright. [hugs the teddy bear tight]
Teddy Bear: I wuv you.
[The Yugopotamians gasp and the glass encasing their brain shatters from the shock.]
Queen Jipjorrulac: We don't understand! He didn't burst into flames!!
King Gripullon: Never fear, my queen! Not even our mightiest warriors can survive the final task! [several Yugopotamians wearing haz-mat suits carry a rectangular object onto the scene.]
Cosmo: Is that...
Wanda: It can't be!
Timmy: It is! Chocolate!
Yugopotamian Guard: Not so high and mighty now, are you, earth punk? For your last task, you must EAT the chocolate bar!
Timmy: Sure! I mean..... Not chocolate! Anything but that! [hugs Yugopotamian guard] Please don't make me eat it! [Yugopotamian guard holds Timmy up to the chocolate and he takes a bite.] Munch munch...hey, there's peanuts in it!
Yugopotamians: AAAAAAAHHH!!... oooh... [passes out]
Yugopotamian Guard: [to Timmy] You are truly the foulest creature in the universe. You may speak to the king and queen.
King Gripullon: A mere child has passed our toughest test... Your kind are very powerful indeed.
Queen Jipjorrulac: [to Timmy] Oh, please don't hurt us! We just want our son back!
Timmy: I, Timmy, candy-crunching warrior of Earth, have good news and bad news.
Cosmo: The good news is I've named my nickel Philip!
King Gripullon: What's the bad news?
Cosmo: It's a girl nickel!
Timmy: There's a problem with an earth girl. He's fallen in love with her. I, with my race of flower-skipping, bear-hugging, chocolate-eating warriors will not stand for this!
Queen Jipjorrulac: W-we'll talk to Mark. We'll set him straight. Just DON'T EAT THE CHOCOLATE AGAIN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[Cut back to Timmy's house. Mark is entering the kitchen.]
Mark: Okay, dudes, things aren't going well with Vicky, so I've decided to suck out your brains and give them to her as gifts.
Chester: You can suck out our minds, livers, and spleens, but we will never surrender!
Mark: Silence, puny earth children! No one can save you now!
[Pan to the door, where Timmy suddenly bursts in.]
Chester and A.J.: Tim Nebula!
Timmy: Intergalactic scum, your reign of terror ends now! [squirts Mark with purple substance]
Mark: Excellent! Another brain I can give to Vicky.
[Cut to Vicky drinking her milkshake when the doorbell suddenly rings.]
Vicky: Oh, WHAT NOW?!? [opens door and sees King Gripullon and Queen Jipjorrulac in bad human disguises]
King Gripullon: Um, hello.... We're Mr. and Mrs.... Chang, and we've come to pick up our son Mark.
[Cut to Mark grabbing Timmy and holding him in the air]
Vicky: [from offscreen] Mark, GET OUT HERE!!!!
Mark: [jumps up and down happily] My beloved calls me! I'll be back to suck your brains out in a moment. Later. [dashes to the front door] Mother, father, what are you doing here?
King Gripullon: Mark... enough of this foolishness. It's time to go, pal...
Mark: I cannot go with you, for I am in love with Vicky. [grabs Vicky with his tentacles and squeezes her hard] You see, she taught me something today..... [gets emotional] IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW HIDEOUS YOU ARE ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT HOW EVIL [slams Vicky to the ground] AND VICIOUS [slams Vicky to the ground again] YOU ARE ON THE INSIDE!! RIGHT?! AM I RIGHT?!?
King Gripullon: Well, if you're in love-- [sees Timmy biting a flower's petals off and gets scared again] Uh, NO, SON! It would never work. She's not where we're from.
Vicky: You mean Europe?
King Gripullon: Ookay...
Queen Jipjorrulac: Mark, listen to your father and go back to the ship--I mean...car.
[King Gripullon, Queen Jipjorrulac, and Mark Chang file into the Yugopotamia spaceship and blasts off]
Vicky: [gets emotional and sheds some tears] I'll never forget you, Mark, foreign exchange student from Yugopo...Europe! ..............Hey, I found a nickel!
[A shrunken Cosmo and Wanda pop out from Vicky's hair]
[Cut to inside Timmy's house]
A.J.: Timmy, that was the best game of Crash Nebula ever!
Chester: Dude, you rock!
Timmy: Thanks, guys!
TV Narrator: Will Timmy's secret ever be exposed? [Zoom out to reveal that several Yugopotamian kids are watching Timmy's adventures on their TV screens] Will Cosmo and Philip the nickel ever be reunited? Tune in next week for another exciting episode of... The Fairly Oddparents!
Yugopotamian Kids: Cool!