Timmy: I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas!
Mr. Turner: Well, join the club, mister! I asked for 2,000 gallons of nog, but instead all I got was this set of golf clubs, an SUV, the Hope Diamond, a talking horse...
Talking Horse: H-h-h-hey, Timmy.
Mr. Turner: And this stupid sled! Or as I like to call it, firewood! [throws the sled into the fireplace]
Timmy: No!!
Mrs. Turner: [holds up the shovel and the rock salt] Timmy, I think your presents are wonderful and that Santa was very thoughtful...
[scene changes to Timmy standing outside his house with the shovel and rock salt]
Mrs. Turner: your dad and me!

Timmy: I wanna give every kid in Dimmsdale one day after Christmas wish.
Wanda: What are we suppose to do, poof up a magical wish coupon good for one wish?
Cosmo: Yeah, and deliver them to every kid in town like some kind of magic mailmen?
[Timmy just smirks and the scene changes to Cosmo and Wanda dressed as mailmen]
Wanda: [to Cosmo] You had to say magic mailman?

A.J.: I wish I had a ten thousand terrabyte super computer!
Computer: [in a monotone voice] Merry Wishmas, A.J.
A.J.: That's kinda creepy.

Mr. Turner: Or I could wish I was Nog-Man, the caped crusader of Nog! Yup, going with Nog-Man. Nog nog and away!

[The Elfs are destroying the Turner's House]
Mrs. Claus: Lunch is served [Puts on the table a plate full of cookies]
Mrs. Turner: So, Timmy. You won a radio contest where Santa comes to live with you?
Timmy: OK...
Elf: [Holding a newspaper] Hey, where's the can? I need to drop some presents down the chimney, if you know what I mean...

Timmy: I don't want the world to forget about Santa!
Wanda: Don't worry Timmy, nobody could ever forget about Santa!
Cosmo: Santa who? Santa Monica? Santa Barbara? Santa Clarita?

Timmy: Where'd you get that book anyway?
Cosmo: Under your tree. It's a real page-turner, I can't wait to find out who the killer is!
[then later...]
Cosmo: [reading] So on that very first Wishmas, Santa, elves and spouse said Timmy killed Christmas, and moved into his house! [sees Timmy] Ahh, you're the killer!
Timmy: I just wanted a sled!!

Santa: I need more milk.
Nog-Man: [bursts through the wall with Nog-Dog] Why drink milk when you can enjoy thick, artery-clogging nog!

Nog-Man: Oooh, my inbox is clogged on the Nog Blog, Nog-Dog! [the screen switches to a dehydrated Santa Claus] Great Scott, a parched man who needs the rejuvenating of Nog! Quick! To the Nog-Mobile!

Timmy: What's the book say?
Cosmo: When Timmy realized Santa wasn't going away, they all sucked it up until Thanksgiving Day.
[later, on Thanksgiving Day]
Mrs. Claus: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Timmy: This book is incredibly accurate.
Mrs. Claus: Now, who wants milk?
Nog-Man: Milk?! Loser. Who wants nog?! [grabs two cartons of nog off his utility belt and sprays them on Mrs. Claus]
Mrs. Claus: Oh it is on. [tackles Nog-Man]

Mrs. Turner: An entire year of cookies and nog for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Ahhh! I'm sick of cookies! [slams the table] I'm sick of radio contests! [takes a radio and throws it, then jumps out the door and laughs crazily while grabbing a reindeer and riding off]
Timmy: Well, there goes my mom with Santa's only ride to the North Pole.

Narrator: [on TV] And what happened then? Well, in Whatville, they say. The Grump's little heart grew big Wishmas day.
Timmy: I wanna celebrate Christmas, not Wishmas!
Santa: Well, Timmy. Seems like this year you're the only one.
Timmy: Oh yeah, what about this?! [whips out a letter]
[Santa puts on some glasses as a girlish voice reads the letter: "Dear Santa, I believe in you. I can't imagine Christmas without you. You're the greatest most jolliest Christmas hero ever" Then Santa lowers the letter to reveal that it was Timmy who was reading it]

Wanda: Any last wish before Jorgen gets here?
Timmy: Yes. I wish I had a big butterfly net and a remote controlled trapdoor.
[Wanda poofs them up. Then Timmy uses the butterfly net to trap Cosmo and Wanda]
Cosmo: Wow, didn't see that coming.

Santa: Let's turn this Wishmas tears into Christmas cheers!
Elf: But Santa, it's impossible. The reindeer took off, we sold the sled to buy cookie mix and we ain't got no Fairy World magic
Santa: Nothing's impossible if you believe!
Nog-Man: I believe, Santa! You can use my Nogmobile to deliver toys.
Santa: Can it fly?
Nog-Man: Er...Not in the sky, no.
Mrs. Turner: I believe too! I have returned so that the reindeer may pull Santa's Nog-Mobile and so he can take Mrs. Claus and her cookies far away!

Timmy: This year we need to figure out what we can give!
A.J.: Right! Because Christmas isn't a coupon that comes in a mailbox.
Computer: [monotone] It's a feeling that comes in your heart.
A.J.: Still creepy.

Cosmo: And what happened then? Well, in Dimmsdale they say. That the kids gave the entire toy mountain away!

Mrs. Turner: Hmmm, you know, Nog-Man. You look a lot like my husband. Is it possible you're-
Nog-Man: Nog fog! [He sprays Nog fog on Mrs. Turner and she faints] She must never know.

Cosmo: [reading from the book] So next time you're blue on the day after Christmas.
Santa: Give something away and have your own Merry Wishmas!
Timmy: Wait a minute, you wrote the book and put it under my tree didn't you? But how could you possibly know all this was gonna happen and that I'd learn a lesson?
Santa: Dude, I'm Santa. Ho ho ho!

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