|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||February 16, 2005|
Cosmo and Wanda: Spinach neutralized, Timmy.
Timmy: Awesome! And now that I hid--I mean, ate all my spinach, I can finally have dessert!
[ Mrs. Turner serves Timmy carrots.]
Timmy: Hey, what gives? Where's dessert?
Mrs. Turner: This is dessert! It's carrot cake!
Mr. Turner: Without the cake! It's spring cleaning for our colons!
Mrs. Turner: We're going to do this every day.
Timmy: In that case...
[Cut to dinnertime at A.J.'s house]
A.J.: Okay. Now that my dad has finished our meals, it's time for dessert.
Timmy: Yay! Dessert!
[A.J.'s mom drops a math book in front of Timmy, much to his confusion.]
Timmy: A math book?
A.J.: It's Tuesday. On Tuesday, we multiply fractions for dessert. Nothing is sweeter than knowledge! [laughs]
[Cut to dinnertime at the Dimmsdale Junkyard.]
Timmy: And since you're Yugopotamian and everything you do is backwards, you probably serve dessert first!
Mark: That is correct! [places two ice cream sundaes onto the table] Enjoy.
[Timmy takes a bite of the ice cream.]
Mark: A broccoli-and-brussels-sprout sundae!
[Timmy now knows that it's made of veggies and spits out the healthy food.]
Mark: Is it not broccoli-and-brussels-sprout-a-rific?
Timmy: No, it's not! I want sugar, chocolate, stuff that'll make my teeth rot on contact!
Mark: Dude, that stuff will kill me! Besides, on Yugopotamia, this is desserty tooth-rotting goodness! [eats a mouthful of the veggie sundae, which rots his teeth in a matter of seconds] (muffled) Want some?
[Timmy nearly throws up. Cut to his house]
Timmy: I want dessert, and I want it all the time. No carrots, no broccoli, no math books!
Cosmo: [spitting out a math book] Yeah, I'm knowledge intolerant.
[Wanda poofs up a whiteboard with the words "Eating Healthy = Energy + Brain Power"]
Wanda: But, Timmy, eating healthy is what gives us the energy and brain power to function properly.
Timmy: Really? So I'm sure, chocolate, the last thing you, chocolate, want from me is to wish there was nothing but desserts and chocolate... Chocolate.
Wanda: Did you say "chocolate"? [goes crazy and grabs Timmy by the collar] Make the wish, MAKE THE WISH!!!
Cosmo: I'm not usually the skeptical one, and I don't even know what "skeptical" means, but when Wanda eats a lot of sugar, she tends to--
[To quickly shut him up, Wanda shoots Cosmo with her wand, poofing him into a bubble to muffle his speech]
Wanda: What Cosmo doesn't know is, nobody gives a hoot about his opinion.
Cosmo: [starts running in the bubble] I'm running. I'm running! Haha, look at me, look at me run, look at me go!! Ahahaha!
Wanda: [grabs Timmy by the collar again] Dessert wish, MAKE IT HAPPEN!!
Timmy: I wish for no more breakfast, lunch or dinner... just desserts! [Wanda grants his wish]
[Cut to morning the very next day.]
Mrs. Turner: [from downstairs] Morning, Timmy, time for dessert!
[Timmy wakes up and goes to the kitchen]
Mrs. Turner: I made your favorite: scrambled cake with three strips of chocolate and a hearty bowl of frosting.
[Timmy eats the piece of cake, and then devours the whole dessert in one and a half seconds, covering his whole face with frosting.]
Timmy: Life is sweet, and so is breakfast!
[Pan to Cosmo and Wanda in their fishbowl]
Cosmo and Wanda: Lunch and dinner!
[They gobble up their ice cream sundae except for the cherry, which Wanda eats.Then she burps and Cosmo gives a 9 out of 10 to Wanda]
[Later at school, everybody is eating dessert and the lunch lady serves Timmy an ice cream sandwich.]
Lunch Lady: Here's your lunch: a sandwich.
Timmy: Yeah, an ice cream sandwich. This is awesome!
[Transformed into Timmy's milk cartons along with Cosmo, Wanda roars and eats the whole sandwich in one giant bite.]
Wanda: I agree. (munching)
Cosmo: [sees the LOW FAT sticker on Wanda's milk carton form] ...Not for long.
[Cut back to Timmy's room, which is filled with piles of unhealthy desserts.]
Cosmo: Um, Timmy, I'm not usually one to complain--that's Wanda--but when she eats a lot of sugar, she gets--
Wanda (talking quickly and jittery): The only thing I get sugar all day is a teeny, weeny... [poofs herself into a rocket, then flies to the ceiling and explodes]
Cosmo: Ahh! Oh no! Sugar rush! Run, Timmy. There's nothing healthy in her stomach to absorb the sweets! Run!!
Timmy: Neat! I'm getting one, too! RUN!! [starts shaking and his eyes go cuckoo and starts running around the room like crazy, along with Wanda]
Cosmo: Wow. Nobody is listening to me. I feel like Wanda. Oh well. [poofs up a cake] You know the old saying: "When in Rome, let them eat cake." [eats a whole cake and drinks a glass of chocolate syrup] Ahh... [checks the time and gets a sugar rush, going cuckoo and eventually exploding] Whee!!
Chet Ubetcha: I'm Chet Ubetcha with the "Morning News" hour!
[While watching the news, Timmy and his parents are pigging out on desserts.]
Chet Ubetcha: All over Dimmsdale, people are buzzing around with bursts of energy.
[TV shows the traffic moving real fast, then shows the world record stadium, then later, panning into the 1st person getting medals from all world record sports and later at the studio, it shows Chet Ubetcha in a viking suit and on the last night footage, he is wearing the same thing from today and singing operas]
Chet Ubetcha: The sugar-rush-hour traffic is moving at the speed of light. World records are set in all sports, and last night, I wrote five operas while grouting my bathroom!
[The video ends]
Chet Ubetcha: That's the news!! [jittering in his seat]
News Shooter: Um, you've still got fifty-five minutes left.
Chet Ubetcha: And now I'm off to run a marathon! [leaves the studio to run a marathon]
[Cuts to the school bus getting to Dimmsdale Elementary School in under one second and students get off the bus and go to their classes at a very fast pace. The bus then leaves and Chet Ubetcha along with several other people are running a marathon. Cut inside Crocker's classroom, Mr. Crocker jumps into the classroom, performing a stunt and holding tests and shaking like a cold chihuahua.]
Mr. Crocker: Okay, let's get started with a test none of you are prepared for!
[With haste, Mr. Crocker passes out the tests, which the students finish in a matter of seconds, giving them to Mr. Crocker to grade.]
Mr. Crocker: F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, A for A.J., F!!! And now I think I'll run a marathon, but first... FAIRY GODPARENTS FAIRY GODPARENTS FAIRY GODPARENTS [does weird poses then jumps out the window to run a marathon.]
[Cut to Timmy's room]
Timmy: [jumping on his bed] Wow! A whole day of school in just three minutes. How sweet is this dessert wish?
Cosmo: Again, I'm not one to inject logic into a situation, whatever a situation is, but eventually, all this extra sugar energy will wear off.
Timmy [still jumping]: And then what?
Cosmo: Uh, I don't know. It has something to do with weight.
[Twenty-eight days later, everyone is overweight and fat (except Mark Chang.) Inside the bedroom, a now morbidly obese Timmy, with a plateful of cake resting on his flabby belly, breaks the bed in half while lying on it from his weight. The camera pans to Cosmo and Wanda, also morbidly obese, covered in chocolate and munching on desserts.]
Timmy: Is it eat too many sweets and you get real heavy?
Cosmo: No, that's not it. [chomps on more chocolate]
Timmy: [waddles up to his Fatty Godparents] Are you sure?
Mr. Turner: [from offscreen] Oh, Timmy!
[As Mr. Turner busts his fat stomach into Timmy's room, Cosmo and Wanda poof themselves into goldfish and into their fishbowl, only to barely fit in the bowl and splash water out.]
Cosmo: [to Wanda] You're suffocating me.
Mr. Turner: You're gonna miss the bus! [starts rolling Timmy towards the stairs] Now you roll down those stairs right now, young man, before you're late!
Timmy: What? No! Wait!! Aaaaah!! [gets pushed down the stairs] Ow ohh ow!!! [crashes through the front door and into the bus]
[Pan to goldfish Cosmo and Wanda, still crammed into the tiny fishing bowl. Persumably Wanda gets fatter from eating more as she grows and they get more squished.]
Cosmo: Umm... Shouldn't we go along with Timmy, in case he needs something?
Wanda: Oh, okay...
[Cosmo and Wanda poof back into their original fairy forms, but their tiny wings can't lift their immense weight off the ground. They try to but they struggle and get really tired quickly.]
Wanda: ...You know, if he needs us, he can come get us.
Cosmo: I like the way you think. [Pulls out another cookie] Have you been eating books for dessert?
[As the school bus reaches Dimmsdale Elementary, it collapses under the weight and several bulbous kids roll out. Cut to inside the hallways where several kids are rolling around like bowling balls. Timmy is loafing around in the middle of the hallway.]
Timmy: [to self] Well, at least now we live in a world where nobody makes fun of you for being fat anymore.
[Pan to an obese Francis and a skinny Mark Chang.]
Francis: Hey, everybody, it's the fit kid! [points to Mark] Let's stuff him in a locker because he'll fit.
[Francis makes a grab for Mark, but Mark easily dodges it and walks away, Francis and his gang following slowly behind. Francis then passes out from fatigue and Tad's electric scooter breaks down from his weight.]
Mark: Non-puny humans, I'm outta here!
Timmy: Well, at least Francis doesn't have the energy to bully anyone anymore! This turned out to be a pretty good wish after all. [chomps on a chocolate bar as the bell rings. He then tries to stand up but is too tired so he instead rolls off to class]
[Cut to Crocker's classroom. Full of Fat Crocker and students]
Crocker: So, a planet's orbit is relative to its size and distance from the sun. Only a significant shift in weight in one area of the planet, oh say, the size of Dimmsdale, could unbalance it and send it wobbling into the sun! Now if you'll open your desks, you'll find... MORE DESSERT!
[The chunky kids open their desks and pig out on the desserts and sweets hiding in them. They are super happy and as they munch they get even fatter. Trixie's belt buckle snaps in half from the sudden weight gain of this pig out session. All of a sudden, the student's chairs collapse under their weight. The floor collapses under their weight as well, and the kids get stuck in the floor, making the whole school sink one level and the whole city of Dimmsdale rumble and shake with zest and zeal.]
Mayor: Chompy, do these pants make my butt look big? [turns around to show his fat butt]
[Cut to outer space, where it is shown that Earth is plummeting towards the Sun. Cut back to the classroom.]
Sanjay: Aah! We are hurtling towards the Sun for a molten date with death! Roll! ROLL FOR YOUR LIVES!!
[The whole class rolls for the exit chaotically. They all get stuck in the door for a moment but eventually bust out]
Timmy: I've gotta get Cosmo and Wanda and wish everything back to normal!
[Timmy rolls back into his house and attempts to climb the stairs.]
Timmy: Now just up the stairs and... [cannot lift his weight up the first step, but is sweating and unable to.] Oh man... I'm so unhealthy, I don't have the energy to climb stairs! So I'll just have to bring them downstairs. [jumps up and down, cracking a hole in the ceiling and causing Cosmo and Wanda to crash through the ceiling to the living room floor who are now fatter than before]
Cosmo and Wanda: AAAAAHH!!
Timmy: I wish everyone was back to normal and that the Earth wasn't going to crash into the Sun!
Wanda: I'm a little winded, sport. Can you handle it on your own? [She says while sweating bullets merely from sitting up.]
Cosmo: Oh, I'll do it! Hang on... uh, my wand's here somewhere. [reaches into his folds of stomach flab and pulls out several desserts and a dog] Not my wand. Not my wand. Hey, there's that dog I was looking for!
Wanda: I can use my wand! Oh, if only I had enough energy to wave my arm.
Timmy: [tries to lift Wanda's arm but his arm just sinks in her fatty arms. The fat absorbs the limited force given.] Oh, man, you were right! You do need healthy foods to have the energy to do things... like lift your arms!
Wanda: But all the food in the world is dessert!
Cosmo: [still pulling random objects from his stomach folds, including a cowboy] And nobody eats healthy food for desserts. Hey, there's that cowboy I was looking for!
Timmy: Healthy food for dessert! That's it!
[Cut to Mark's Yugopotamian spaceship at the Dimmsdale Dump. Mark is getting ready to leave Earth as it is about to get destroyed by the Sun.]
Mark: I don't know, Turner. Why would I give you my last can of spinach cobbler? 'Tis the tastiest of all Yugopotamian desserts!
Timmy: So you're saying you WON'T help me save my doomed planet?!
Mark: Uh, duh.
[Cut to a closeup of Mark partly squished and in pain.]
Mark: AAAGH! STOP! [Zoom out to reveal that obese Timmy is sitting on Mark] Even under Earth's lighter gravity, you are crushing my gelatinous form! [gives Timmy the spinach cobbler]
Timmy: Thanks! Can I get a lift to my house?
Mark: Are you mad?! I cannot lift you!
Timmy: [annoyed] I meant with your ship!
Mark: Oh.... m'kay.
[Cut to Mark's Yugopotamian ship flying above Timmy's house. All of a sudden, Timmy is dropped out a compartment in the ship and smashes through his roof.]
[Cut to Cosmo, Wanda, and the cowboy playing cards(Go-fish) in Timmy's room looking fatter than before.]
Cosmo: Got any three's?
[Suddenly, Timmy falls from the sky and lands on Wanda.]
Cowboy: What in tarnation?!
Timmy: [to Wanda] This might taste bad, but it's supposed to be good for you! [forces spinach down Wanda's throat]
[All of a sudden, Wanda is full of energy and does a Popeye pose. Outside, trees are catching on fire. Cut to an obese Mr. Bickles standing on a diving board, ready to jump in a pool.]
Mr. Bickles: At long last, my dream pool is finished!
[The pool water evaporates in a matter of seconds due to the growing heat of the sun.]
Mr. Bickles: My dream pool--ruined! Forgive me, Dimmsdale pool and spa emporium! [cries and the diving board breaks under his weight]
[Cut back to Timmy's room]
Wanda: [straining to hold up her wand already getting fatigued] Quick, before I run out of energy!
Timmy: I wish everything was back to normal!
[Everything turns back to normal. Everyone becomes lean again and the Earth is pulled back into orbit.]
Timmy: Lesson learned: dessert is great on occasion, but balanced diets are what keep us all healthy and not hurtling in the sun.
[Pan to Cosmo, who still has his extra weight.]
Cosmo: Yeah, but these rolls are so convenient, I just couldn't get rid of them!
Wanda: [unseen but voice is muffled] Cosmo, get me out of here!
Cosmo: [proceeds to pull weird objects from his tummy folds, including a wheel, an airplane, an elephant, and a sheriff] Not Wanda. Not Wanda. Not Wanda. Not Wanda. Hey, here's the cowboy hunting that other cowboy!
Sheriff: I'm lookin' for a varmint called Billy the Goat.
[The first cowboy retreats back to Cosmo's tummy fat, and the sheriff quickly takes chase. Fighting noises are heard.]
Cosmo: Ah! Ooh! Ow! Watch those spurs! Aah! Pointy!
[Cosmo's body explodes with the word "POP!" as the episode ends.]