Mr. Turner: I'LL FIX IT!

Mr. Turner: I'm a complete failure! Yesterday, I tried to fix a pencil sharpener at work and they had to CALL IN THE COAST GUARD!
Timmy: C'mon Dad, you're exaggerating.
Mr. Turner: [Picks up Timmy to his face] Tell that to Mitch from accounting, he clung to a floating copier for FOUR HOURS UNTIL THEY FISHED HIM OUT! [Sobbing]
Mrs. Turner: Oh honey, don't be so hard on yourself. What do you say we make some popcorn and watch the toilet?
Mr. Turner: It's no use, I'm an incompetent BOOB! [Walking sobbingly to the front door] I'm just going to stand in the garbage can, in the alley, for the rest of my life. [Opens the door with a monkey wrench, an ocean of water floods into the house] OH COME ON! ALL I DID WAS OPEN THE DOOR!!

Mr. Turner: [talking to Timmy] I'm not sure I can do that Timmy. For the love of Pete, I flooded the house trying to make hot dogs!

Mr. Crocker: [After getting knocked away] You'll get an F, Turner!

Timmy: Guys! You gotta help me! Ah! [sees the fairies crying] What's going on here?
Cosmo: Not now Timmy, we're too sad about Timmy blowing up!

Cosmo: No! You have a perfect civilization. Why would you want to add a woman to it?

Cosmo: [talking to Timmy, about Mr. Turner] He destroys everything he touches: The toilet, the TV, your childhood…

President "Dad": [After throwing Mrs. Crocker off of the ship] "Timmy, that was not your mother. We're not even sure that was a woman."

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