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Part 1
"Timmy, why are you packing a...
...sleepmask for school?"
"It's not what you think."
"You sleep during class?"
"Then it is what you think."
"I gotta get ready...
for school too.
Traffic school."
"Sparky,
dogs aren't supposed to drive!"
"Yeah, that's what the cops said when they told me I had to go to traffic school.
I just need to borrow the car from your dad."
"Honey! The dog's giving me a ride to work, see ya later!"
"Squirrel!!"
*Loud crash, dad screams*
"Almost time for school Poof!
I'm making breakfast in the fishbowl.
What do you want,
soggy eggs...
or soggy waffles?"
"Yeah, I don't think...
we have that.
Mostly because I don't know what you said."
"Oh no!!
The soggy pot roast I made last night...
made him crazy!"
"What's wrong with my baby!?
I'm gonna call...
Dr. Rip Stud-
well.
Dr. Studwell, something's wrong with Poof!"
"I'm afraid there's no cure."
"What!?"
"For our...
love.
Sorry Wanda,
I was rehearsing my lines for the soap opra I'm starring in.
I play a doctor that only treats super models in the arctic circle.
It's called...
The Cold, and The Beautiful."
"I thought you were a...
real doctor."
"I am.
But I also play one on TV.
The money's better and I don't have to watch...
sick people undress."
"Ohh...
I see what the problem is."
"What is it Dr. Studwell!?"
"My character gets killed by something called a...
lazer penguin.
I've gotta call my agent.
"NO!!
What's wrong with Poof!?"
"Oh, right.
Poof's going through...
'Pooferty'."
"Pooferty??
Don't you mean...
puberty?"
"Young man,
who's the super model doctor here?
Pooferty is when fairy babies go from saying...
poof, poof,
to actual words.
But while Poof makes the transition,
you won't be able to understand...
a thing he says."
"Well maybe...
YOU...
can't understand him,
but I bet I can figure it out."
"He either said he's hungry,
or that I left the soggy oven on.
I'm betting he's hungry.
I bet wrong."
"Is there anything you can do for...
my baby Dr. Studwell?"
"Don't worry,
he'll come out of the fishbowl eventually."
"She meant...
Poof!"
"Oh, right.
Well,
all...
we can do is give him this list of...
words to practice."
"Exterior arctic circle, day,
a group of shivering models huddle around...
a hunky doctor for warmth."
"Oh!
Sorry, that's...
my next scene.
Practice these...
sounds Poof.
And eventually you'll be able to speak...
as good as I talk."
"Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to get back to the set before the super models wander off.
They don't have a lot upstairs Wanda.
Just the cold arctic wind whistling between their ears."
*Honk, Honk*
"It's the school bus Poof!
Have a...
good day!"
"I can translate that.
He either said he'll see you after school,
or he's marrying a...
siamese cat!
Either way I'll accept him.
I'm proud of my weird,
cat-loving son!"
"Oh good.
It's dark in here.
I don't have to use my sleepmask."
"Ladies and gentlemen. Live from Dimmsdale...
Elementary School, it's the Denzel Crocker Show!
Here's your host,
DENN-
-ZELL
CROCK-
-ERR."
"Thank...
you!
Thank...
you!
Take it away...
F-Dancers!"
"Sorry I haven't graded your papers yet.
I was up until 3...
rehearsing this number."
"Al-
right...
F-
Dancers,
bring it...
on home!"
"I probably should've cut eye holes...
in their costumes.
You all...
get F's!
For being terrible F's!"
"Alright kids.
Time for a field trip!"
"Yaaa-
aaaay!"
"To the dark recesses of...
my mind!"
"Awwwwww."
"Allow me to introduce my...
latest invention.
I call it, my...
Abraca-blender.
"This baby will drain the magic from any magical creature,
and turn it into a delicious smoothie!
And once I drink it, I'll have the creature's powers,
with the protein boost."
"Hey Mr. Nutjob,
can we learn something now?"
"Don't try to distract me Turner!
I know you have...
FAIRIES!!!
And after all these years, I've come to the conclusion that their disguise is...
your stupid pink hat!
Which, I'm now gonna suck the magic from!"
"Oops.
Had the settings up too high.
Oh well,
bottoms up!"
*Gags*
"I don't feel magical at all.
Alright kids,
read chapter 3 while I go throw up hat...
juice."
"Boy Timmy,
Mr. Crocker's really out of control."
"Yeah. If he can put a hat in a blender,
there's no telling what kind of evil he's capable of.
The next time it could be your pencil.
Holy cow,
we're your pencils!"
"Cosmo's right.
You guys are in danger...
and it's time we got rid of Mr. Crocker once and for all.
I wish he were transferred to a new school.
And make it the one that's the farthest away from here!"
"Done.
Boy, that was exhausting.
Who wants a refreshing glass of leftover hat juice?"
"Yum.
Ooh, that's coming right back up."
*Barfing*
"I can't believe I was transferred to another...
school!
Boy!
You try to shape young minds and skim a little money from the PTA fund,
and this is the thanks you get.
Spellementary School.
Never heard of it.
I'll just plug the coordinates into the...
old GPS and I'm off."
"Hmm, using unleaded gas may have been a mistake,
apparently the lead's what keeps you on the ground."
"Boy, that was a bumpy ride.
I think I burped up a little hat juice."
"Nothing odd...
here.
Just a typical bunch of...
bratty brats."
"She must...
use...
unleaded gas in her broom.
Ahh,
that's the strange little kid...
from my neighbour's lawn.
Wait a minute!
A little kid...
tying his own shoe!?
He must be...
MAGICAL!"
*Gasps*
"This is a school for magical children.
I've...
hit the jackpot!
But given that I'm a world famous fairy hunter, it's a good chance one of these brats will know me."
"Move it weirdo!"
"Yep, they know me.
Time for a clever disguise."
"What are you looking at?
I'm your new teacher,
mrrr...
Sacklunch.
It's german for...
Mr. Crocker,
I mean Wilcox!"
"Check this out Sammy.
I rigged a voice-activated fairy wacker to the...
door.
When Poof enters and says...
Poof, poof"...
like he always does,
KA-
POW!"
*Maniacally laughing*
"You make me...
sad and...
afraid."
"Oh weep away Sammy.
Your tears only...
fuel my rage!"
"Hello Poof."
What's say you?"
"What!?
I didn't quite hear you."
"That moron was supposed to say...
poof, poof!"
"Good morning children."
"I'm your new teacher...
Mr. Sacklunch."
"Mr. Sacklunch,
I have a question."
"And I have an answer.
NOO!"
"Ooh...
I like him.
Finally a teacher worth sucking up to."
"Alright students.
I'm anxious to drain you of your magic,
I mean,
get to know you better."
"Ooh! Mr. Sacklunch,
Let me show you my magic.
It's super scary,
and it works best if used on an innocent victim like...
Poof over here."
"Is that gibberish or can I just not hear you...
threw this paper bag?"
"Enough baby talk kid! You should be using real words at your age.
And you certainly shouldn't have a rattle.
Give me...
that!"
"On that note of clarity...
class dismissed.
Your homework is to prepare for a magical show and tell,
where each of you will demonstrate your powers."
"But we've only been here for 10 minutes and I wanna...
learn something."
"Oh, you wanna...
learn something?
Learn to...
duck!!"
"Best teacher...
EVER!!"
"See you...
tomorrow...
children."
"Great! Now I'm having a bag hair day.
But who cares!?
Tomorrow,
I Denzel Crocker,
will suck the magic out of those little brats, and become the most...
powerful creature...
in the universe!!"
"Gaah!
You overheard my little secret did you?
Well you can't tell on me,
no one can understand word you say,
and as far as anyone else knows,
I'm still Mr. Sacklunch!
See you tomorrow when your magic will be...
mine!"
*Maniacally laughing*
*Gags*
"How I am still burping up hat juice!?"
*Coughs*
*Gasps*
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