|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||May 4, 2001|
- Timmy: (Holding Cosmo and Wanda disguised as balloons) Chompy! Chompy!
- Wanda: Hey Timmy...
- Cosmo: ...what's a Chompy? Does it hurt?
- Timmy: Chompy's a goat. He's Dimmsdale's town hero and mascot! (Holds up a photo of Chompy)
- Vicky: (Pushes kids away) One side, parasites! Ugh! Can't believe your parents made me take you on this stupid tour of the city hall.
- Timmy: They're paying you, aren't they? Besides, it's Chompy! I can't learn enough about Chompy!
- Vicky: (Holds on to Timmy's shoulders) Well, here's a physics lesson, poindexter, (wedgies Timmy) undies plus gravity equals wedgie!
- Mayor: (Walks up to them with a smile) Hehe! Oh, you kids and your goat. I'm the Mayor! Doesn't anyone want to hear about my accomplishments?
(Everyone is silent while a wolf whistles in the background and a tumbleweed rolls past)
- Mayor: I hate not being the goat. (Beckons the group to follow him) Let's continue the tour with a walk through the hall of goaty greatness. (While showing them pictures on the wall) It was Chompy who pulled the cart of children from a collapsing daycare center... and then changed their diapers!
(The crowd of children cheer 'Yay Chompy!')
- Mayor: Chompy, whose tireless research found the cure for polio!
- Timmy: Wasn't that Jonas Salk?
- Mayor: (Angrily) Only if you believe those liars at the patent office!!
(The crowd of children jeer 'Boo, liars at the patent office!')
- Mayor: And Chompy, who's quick thinking saved out town from a raging fire!
(A small film plays of a cow knocking over a lantern, and then Chompy pushes the cow on to the fire to put it out. Chompy bleats. The crowd of children cheer 'Yay Chompy!')
- Mayor: And now, behold the living glory that is Chompy the goat! (Pulls a rope)
(The crowd of children 'ooh' as a pair of red curtains pull apart and reveal Chompy miserably lying in a compacted cage, drops of water from a water bottle dropping on his face)
- Wanda: That's him?
- Cosmo: What's the big deal? He's just a smelly old goat.
(The crowd of children spit out their water in surprise)
- Mayor: WHO SAID THAT?!
(Cosmo and Wanda look at each other before popping)
- Mayor: (Wagging his finger at Timmy) How dare you minimize the importance of Chompy! The rest of you can go to the Chompy the Goat gift shop because it looks as if SOMEBODY needs a little alone time with our goat hero.
- Vicky: Ha! See ya, twerp.
- Mayor: GO! BEG CHOMPY'S FORGIVENESS!
(Everyone walks away. Cosmo and Wanda poof in beside Timmy)
- Wanda: For a town hero, he sure looks sad. You think he likes it in there?
- Timmy: (Looks inside Chompy's cage) I don't know. I wish I could see what he was thinking.
- Cosmo: One goat mind reading power coming up!
(Cosmo and Wanda's wands glow anda cloud of smoke covers Timmy. He turns to Chompy and reads his mind. Inside Chompy's mind, there is an image of himself in an open field running towards a lady goat and falls in love with her. Cosmo and Wanda appear as cherubs)
- Wanda: Aww! Goat love!
- Cosmo: They say it's the most honest love there is!
- Timmy: (Stops reading Chompy's mind) All Chompy wants is to be free! To run and frolic and meet girl goats!
- Cosmo: Who doesn't want that?
- Timmy: I wish Chompy could be free to live wherever his heart desires! (Places his hand against the cage and Chompy places his goat hoof on the other side)
(Cosmo and Wanda cry as their wands glow, and the cage is risen over Chompy)
- Timmy: (Getting a lick from Chompy) You're welcome!
(Cosmo and Wanda poof Chompy away)
- Vicky: Hey twerp!
(Cosmo and Wanda disappear)
- Vicky: (Dressed in Chompy merchandise) Time to go. But first...
(Vicky wedgies Timmy and pulls his underwear over his head, making him run and bump into the wall. Vicky laughs until Timmy blindly pushes her down in the cage and runs on top of her)
- Vicky: Get off me, you dork!
- Mayor: (Walking alongside two police officers drinking coffee) Smelly old goat, can you believe it... CHOMPY'S GONE!
(The two police officers spit their coffee over the mayor in shock)
- Mayor: (Points to Timmy) And that masked hero captured the goat napper!
- Male police officer: Good work, underwear-over-your-head lad!
(Timmy pulls his underwear off of his head and sighs in relief)
- Mayor: It's you! The boy who didn't understand the relevance of Chompy!
- Timmy: But...
- Mayor: (Places a hand over Timmy's shoulders and interrupts him) I know! You're crushed because you couldn't stop the goat napper before she handed our beloved goat over to her team of terrorist goat-taking cohorts!
- Vicky: What?
- Mayor: Take her away!
- Vicky: (Getting dragged away by the police officers) Hey! No!!
- Timmy: (Placing his hat back on his head) Wow. Vicky's getting blamed for what I did.
(Cosmo and Wanda poof in as birds)
- Timmy: Cool! (Smiles and walks out of the City Hall)
- Wanda: Don't you think you should say something?
- Timmy: Well, maybe... I mean, I should tell the truth...
- Mayor: New town hero Timmy, (Miss Dimmsdale poses beside him) can Miss Dimmsdale give you a ride home in our shiny new hovercraft?
- Timmy: (Timmy's eyes gleam before pulling himself back) I don't know. You see, the truth is... Vicky didn't really take the... (A sash is placed around him displaying the word 'HERO')
- Mayor: And once you get home, can she give you the shiny new hovercraft? (Dangles the car keys in front of him)
- Wanda: Timmy's not old enough to drive!
- Mayor: And here's your special ten and under town hero driver's license! (Gives Timmy the license)
- Cosmo: I call shotgun! (Poofs away with Wanda)
(Timmy drives the hovercraft to his house, destroying two cars and the hovercraft in the process before parking)
- Timmy: (Jumping out) Sorry about the hovercraft, Miss Dimmsdale.
- Miss Dimmsdale: (Putting on lipstick) That's okay, Timmy. You've got town hero hovercraft insurance! (Drives away)
(A crowd of children appear with underwear over their heads and signs saying 'YAY TIMMY' and 'UNDERWEAR!!')
- Girl #1: Hey look! It's town hero Timmy a.k.a. underwear-over-his-head lad.
- Girl #2: Let's rip off his clothes and auction them on the internet!
(The crowd run after him shouting 'Timmy, yay, Timmy' as he runs inside his home. Timmy breathes after closing the door behind him before being confronted by his parents wearing underwear over their heads)
- Mrs. Turner: Happy birthday, Timmy!
- Timmy: It's not my birthday.
- Mr. Turner: Everyday's your birthday when you stop a goat napper... hero! (Shows off a pile of presents and a huge cake with Timmy's face on the top)
(Timmy smiles. The scene changes to Timmy watching television in his room while eating cake alongside Cosmo and Wanda)
- Cosmo: Thanks for sharing your hero cake with us, Timmy!
- Wanda: Even though you're not really a hero and you don't deserve the cake.
- Cosmo: (Spits out cake) On TV! They're talking about Timmy!
(On television, the mayor is giving a public announcement surrounded by journalists)
- Journalist #1: Mr. Mayor, has the goat napper revealed the whereabouts of Chompy yet?
- Mayor: No, but we're giving her an increasingly bad hair day until she talks.
(Cuts to Vicky locked in the stocks surrounded by the two police officers from earlier holding two balloons)
- Vicky: I'm telling you, I don't know where the stupid goat... (The balloons are rubbed on her hair) Hey! (Her hair turns into an afro)
(Timmy and Cosmo laugh at her)
- Wanda: Is that fair? After all, you're the one who let Chompy go.
- Timmy: Oh, I know. I'll figure out a way to free her as soon as this cake stops tasting so good.
- Cosmo: (Takes a bite) Nope! Still tasty!
(The next scene cuts to later, Timmy struggles in his sleep)
- Timmy: (Sleep-talking) Vicky... not guilty... wish... (wakes up) Aahh! (Turns on bedside lamp and he is surrounded by monsters) Aaaahhhh!! (Covers himself under his blanket) Gotta be dreaming! (A monkey dances on his head) Aaahhhh!! (Gets pushed out of bed by a pirate fish and lands in a pink sea) Aaaahhh!!
(Cosmo and Wanda struggle out of the grip of a deadly sea creature)
- Wanda: Timmy! Oh, thank Heavens you're awake.
- Timmy: What is all this?
- Wanda: You've been wishing in your sleep, and you know the rules: you wish it, we grant it!
- Timmy: I wish this stuff was... (Gets pulled under the water until a bubble appears and pops out the word) ...gone!
(Timmy's bedroom returns to normal. Cosmo and Wanda look exhausted while Timmy sits in his bed)
- Timmy: Okay. I probably ate a little too much hero cake. Let's just all go back to sleep.
(Timmy turns off the lamp. Cosmo and Wanda look at each other. Timmy once again struggles in his sleep)
- Timmy: (Sleep-talking) Wish... goat... Vicky... (Timmy wakes up and gasps. He turns on the lamp and is surrounded by monsters again) Aaaaahhh!! I don't understand. Why would I wish for this stuff?
- Wanda: (Sliding around on a stream of balls) Maybe you're dreams are trying to tell you something.
- Timmy: Maybe I need to see a shrink?
- Wanda: That's a great idea, cuckoo clock! (Wanda's wand glows and they're transported into a shrink's office. Wanda poses as the shrink and Timmy lies on Cosmo disguised as a couch. Wanda adopts an accent) Now, let's take a peak at what your subconscious is saying.
(Timmy's head is spun open by Wanda, and a tiny Timmy bursts out)
- Timmy's subconscious: Vicky's innocent! I'm the goat napper! Me, me, me! I don't deserve to be a hero!!
- Cosmo: Woah! Time out! I'm not good with this pyscho mumbo-jumbo. What's that mean?
- Timmy: I'm sleep wishing because I feel guilty?
- Mrs. Turner: (Knocking on the door) Timmy?
(Wanda changes everything back to Timmy's bedroom)
- Timmy: Come in!
- Mrs. Turner: (Walks in with Mr. Turner) Honey, are you okay?
- Timmy: Yeah, but can I ask you something? You'd still love me even if I wasn't a hero, right?
(They're all silent for a moment while Timmy blinks. Then his parents smile at him)
- Mrs. Turner: Oh, of course we would, honey.
- Timmy: What if, hypothetically, I was the goat napper?
- Mr. Turner: Well, son, then I'd have to do this! (Screams like a girl and faints. Then he holds up a finger) Hypothetically, of course.
- Mrs. Turner: (Grabs Mr. Turner's legs) Well, goodnight son-whom-I'd-hate-to-discover-was-actually-the-goat-napper. (Drags Mr. Turner out of the room and hits his head on Timmy's dresser before they exit)
- Timmy: I can't tell them I sent Chompy away now!
- Wanda: (Poofs in with Cosmo) But what about the dream wishing?
- Timmy: I can't dream if I don't sleep, right? So I'll just stay awake... for the rest of my life.
(Cosmo and Wanda look at each other worriedly before returning to their fish bowl. Night and day go by three times before Mrs. Turner calls him from downstairs)
- Mrs. Turner: Town hero! Time for school!
- Timmy: Is it the rest of my life yet?
(Scene changes to Timmy sitting on the school bus with Cosmo and Wanda disguised as mice in his backpack beside him)
- Timmy: (Falling asleep) Guilty... my fault... I wish... RAINING DUCKS!
(Cosmo and Wanda reluctantly make the sky rain ducks. The bus driver wipes the ducks away with his windshield. Then the scene changes to Timmy snoring in class while Cosmo and Wanda disguise themselves as a pencil and a pen)
- Timmy: (Sleep-talking) Not Vicky... ugh, I wish... SWARM OF LAB MICE!
(Cosmo and Wanda poofs up a line of lab mice running around the classroom. The children scream and run around the classroom while Mr. Crocker screams with a bunch of lab mice perching on his head. On the front steps of the school, children run outside alongside the swarm of lab mice while ducks rain down from the sky. Timmy tiredly stands on the steps while Cosmo and Wanda sit beside him disguised as mice)
- Wanda: We've gotta get Chompy back here. It's only a matter of time before he wishes for something really dangerous!
- Timmy: (Sleep-talks) I WISH FOR A GIGANTIC MONSTER THAT WON'T GO AWAY UNTIL I TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT CHOMPY!
(Cosmo and Wanda face palm before making a gigantic monster appear and approach the school)
- Wanda: Look out!!
- Timmy: (Wakes up) Aaahhh!! (About to get crushed by the monster's foot) I wish we were with Chompy!
(Cosmo, Wanda and Timmy are transported to an open field)
- Wanda: This must be where we sent Chompy.
- Timmy: Great! All we have to do is find him and... (Lays on the ground and falls asleep, then he sleep talks) I wish... FIELD ON FIRE!
(Cosmo and Wanda reluctantly wish for a fire to build beside Timmy's head. It's immediately put out by Chompy's hoof. Chompy bleats triumphantly)
- Timmy: (Wakes up) Chompy!! It's you! (Hugs Chompy) You've gotta come back to Dimmsdale! You...
(Chompy breaks away from him and bleats. They are approached by a lady goat and two kids beside her)
- Timmy: He's so happy here. He's got a family and kids now. I can't take him away from all this just so he can be display in a stupid pen.
(Chompy stands beside his family)
- Cosmo: Well, what are you gonna do, Timmy?
- Timmy: What I should have done in the first place! I wish I was at City Hall.
(Timmy is poofed to the podium at the City Hall, surrounded by Miss Dimmsdale, the Mayor and a crowd of fans at the bottom of the steps)
- Chet Ubetcha: I'm here at City Hall where town hero Timmy Turner has scheduled a press conference about Chompy!
- Timmy: (Into the microphone) Uhh, hi everybody. I have a confession to make. I'm no hero.
(The crowd gasps)
- Mayor: He's so modest! Let's give him another hovercraft to wreck!
(The crowd cheers)
- Timmy: No! No! No more hovercrafts! No more gifts! No more cake! I can't take it anymore! Vicky didn't make Chompy go away...
(Scene cuts to Timmy's parents drinking water as they watch Timmy on television)
- Timmy: I did!
(Timmy's parents spit out the water in surprise and Mr. Turner screams and faints. Then the scene cuts to the male police officer pouring water for Vicky in the stocks)
- Timmy: I did!
(Vicky spits out water in shock. Then the scene cuts to the gigantic monster drinking from a large water cooler)
- Timmy: I did!
(The gigantic monster spits out the water and poofs away)
- Timmy: I had to let him go! Don't you see! Chompy was miserable in that pen! He deserves to be happy and free!
(The crowd 'aww's before cheering and clapping for Timmy)
- Timmy: Thanks everyone! So I guess that means I'm not in trouble?
- Mayor: Aha. Of course you are. GET HIM!
(The crowd runs after Timmy while Chompy and his family watches from their television. He bleats to them and runs off. Timmy is cornered down an alleyway)
- Timmy: A dead end! I'm doomed!
- Cosmo: (Poofs next to Timmy alongside Wanda as garbage pails) Well, you lived a good life, right?
- Timmy: I'm only ten!
- Cosmo: I said good, not long.
(The crowd approach him until Chompy bursts througn the alley wall and protects Timmy. The crowd cheer for Chompy as he is joined by his family)
- Mayor: And he's got a family!
(The crowd goes 'aww')
- Mayor: Timmy Turner, because of you we now have four happy mascots instead of one miserable one. You're a hero again!
- Timmy: And Chompy?
- Mayor: Free to come and go as he pleases.
(Chompy bleats happily)
- Mayor: Three cheers for Chompy and Timmy!
- Crowd: Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip ho-
- Timmy: Grounded?!
(The scene cuts to Timmy in his bedroom while Mr. Turner eats the rest of Timmy's cake)
- Mrs. Turner: Well sure, honey. We're proud of you for telling the truth, but you still lied to the entire town.
- Timmy: But my lie made everything better! I know it was wrong but doesn't that count for anything?
(Mr. Turner screams and faints)
- Timmy: Apparently not.
- Mrs. Turner: (Kisses Timmy's head and grabs Mr. Turners legs and drags him out of the room) Well goodnight son-whom-we-still-love-even-though-he's-a-grounded-goat-napper! (Mr. Turner hits his head on Timmy's beside table as they exit)
- Cosmo: (Poofs in with Wanda) Aw, cheer up, Timmy! Five months will go by like that! (Snaps his fingers)
- Timmy: It's okay. Chompy's back and happy. (Yawns) I don't feel guilty anymore (Wanda pulls a blanket over him) and everything is back to... (Falls asleep)
- Wanda: He's sound asleep.
- Cosmo: And no dream wishing! But I can't help thinking we forgot something...
(Cuts to Vicky still locked up in jail inside the stocks)
- Vicky: Hello? Hello?! (Chompy approaches her and she gasps) Chompy! You're here to save me! (Chompy goes behind her and wedgies her) EEP!
(Chompy bleats and laughs before running away)
- Wanda: Oh well, it's probably nothing.
(The episode ends by zooming down on Timmy sleep-talking once again)
- Timmy: RAINING DUCKS!