Cosmo: [seeing Chompy] What’s the big deal?! He’s just a smelly, old goat! [Everyone does a spit take upon hearing this]
The Mayor: [to Timmy after Cosmo says an insult about Chompy because he believes Timmy said the insult] HOW DARE YOU MINIMIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF CHOMPY! The rest of you can head off to the Chompy-the-Goat-gift-shop, because it looks like SOMEBODY needs a little alone time with our goat hero.
The Mayor: [angrily at Timmy after everyone else goes to the gift shop] Go! Beg Chompy’s forgiveness!
Vicky: Get off me you dork!
Mayor of Dimmsdale: Smelly old goat, can you believe it... CHOMPY'S GONE!!! [Police spit him with coffee] and that masked hero captured the goat-napper.
Police Man: Good job, underwear over your head lad.
Wanda: Aww, goat love.
Cosmo: They say it's the most honest love there is.
Timmy: WOW! Vicky’s getting blamed for what I did! [pause] Cool!
Wanda: Don’t you think you should say something?
Timmy: Well... maybe... I mean, I should tell the truth...
(The Mayor walks back in with Miss Dimmsdale, pageant queen. He puts a “Town Hero” sash over Timmy’s chest.)
The Mayor: New town hero, Timmy? Can Miss Dimmsdale give you a ride home in this shiny, new hovercraft?
Timmy: I don’t know.You see, the truth is, Vicky didn’t really take the...
(The mayor holds up a pair of car keys. Timmy’s eyes widen.)
The Mayor: ...And once you get home, can she give you the shiny new hovercraft?
(Timmy exits, as though hypnotized by the keys. Cosmo and Wanda share a nervous look.)
Wanda: Timmy’s not old enough to drive!
The Mayor: ...And here’s your special “Ten and under, Town Hero, driver’s license!”
Mr. Turner: Every day’s your birthday when you stop a goat-napper... Hero.
(The mayor stands at a podium as a reporter questions him.)
Reporter: Mr. Mayor, has the goat-napper revealed the whereabouts of Chompy yet?
The Mayor: No, but we’re giving her an increasingly bad hair day until she talks!
(Inside a jail cell, Vicky is being held in a stockade with two guards between her)
Vicky: I’m telling you, I don’t know where the stupid goat...
(Guards rub balloons on Vicky's head. Her hair stands on end and settles into a hideous frizz.)
Timmy: Jeez! Maybe I need to see a shrink!
Wanda: That’s a great idea, Coo-coo-clock!
(Wanda poofs into a Sigmund Freud look-a-like, and Timmy's room becomes a therapist's office. Timmy lays on a Cosmo couch.
Wanda: [thick accent] Now. Let’s take a peek at vhat your zubconscious is zaying!
(Wanda unscrews the top of Timmy’s head and opens it like a trash lid. A smaller Timmy pops out of the opening in Timmy's head.)
Timmy's Subconscious: Vicky’s innocent! I’m the goat-napper! I stole the goat! Me! Me! ME! I don’t deserve to be a hero!
Cosmo: Whoa! Whoa! I’m not good with this psycho, mumbo jumbo. What’s that mean?
Timmy: [The smaller Timmy is shown leaning on Timmy's head] I’m sleep-wishing because I feel guilty?
Timmy: You’d still love me even if I wasn’t a hero, right?
(Really long pause.)
Mrs. Turner: Of course we would, honey!
Timmy: Well, what if, hypothetically, I was the goat- napper?
Mr. Turner: Well, son, then if you were the goat-napper, here's what I do! [screams like a little girl and faints]
Mr. Turner: [from the floor] See, that works every time!
Mrs. Turner: Well, good night, Son, whom-I-would-hate-to-discover-was-actually-the-goat-napper! [Mom drags Dad out of the room by his heels]
Timmy: [sleep-deprived] Guilty... my fault... I wish... raining ducks!
Timmy: [sleeping in Mr. Crocker's class] Not Vicky... I wish... swarm of lab mice...
Wanda: We've got to get Chompy back here! It's only a matter of time before he wishes for something really dangerous-
Timmy: [quickly] I WISH FOR A GIGANTIC MONSTER THAT WON'T GO AWAY UNTIL I TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT CHOMPY!
(Timmy is standing at the podium in front of City Hall)
Timmy: Uh, hi everybody, I have a confession to make. I'm no hero.
The Mayor: He's so modest! Let's give him another hovercraft to wreck!
Timmy: NO! No! No more hovercrafts! No more gifts! No more cake! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Vicky didn't make Chompy go away.... I DID!
(At the Turner's house, Timmy's parents overhear this on television, Timmy's dad screams like a girl and faints. In her jail cell, Vicky is being spoon fed water when she hears Timmy's confession on television and spits it out. The Giant Red Monster that Timmy wished up spits out the contents of a water tower it was drinking and poofs away.)
Timmy: I had to let him go! Don't you see? Chompy was miserable in that pen! He deserves to be happy and free!
Crowd: Awww. [claps]
Timmy: Thanks, everyone! So I guess that means I'm not in trouble?
The Mayor: [chuckles] Of course you are. GET HIM!
(An angry mob chases Timmy off the podium)
The Mayor: Timmy Turner, because of you, we now have four happy town mascots instead of one miserable one! You're a hero again!
Timmy: And Chompy?
The Mayor: Free to come and go as he pleases!
Mrs. Turner: Well sure, honey. We're proud of you for telling the truth, but you still lied to the entire town!
Timmy: But my lie made everything better! I know it was wrong, but doesn't that count for anything? Please don't-
(Mr. Turner screams like a girl and faints yet again)
Timmy: Apparently not.
(Mrs. Turner kisses Timmy goodnight on the forehead, and then drags Mr. Turner out of the room by the heels)
Mrs. Turner: Good night, son we still love even though he's a grounded goatnapper!
(Vicky has been left forgotten in her jail cell)
Vicky: Hello? HELLO!?
Vicky: Chompy! You're here to save me!
(Chompy smirks, and then runs behind Vicky and gives her a wedgie)
Vicky: Eeek! Ohhh.
(Chompy laughs and runs off.)
Cosmo: Hey, it's okay! You had a good life, right?