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< Abra-Catastrophe!

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(Timmy's hand gets cut off)
Timmy: Hey, I've only got two of those!
Cosmo: [as Vader] It's okay, in the end you get another one. A really cool robot one.

(During the Star Wars parody)
Timmy: How do you know all this?
Cosmo: [wearing a Darth Vader-style costume] Because I am your father... [removes the mask] your godfather! Ha-ha, gimmie five!
Timmy: [accidentally lets go of the handrail with his lone attached hand and falls] Cosmo, you idiot!

Jorgen: [destroys the bridge] There, I have blown up the bridge between Fairy World and the Earth.
Soldier: Uh, sir, we could've blown the bridge without scrambling the fairies.
Jorgen: I LIKE to scramble the fairies! [turns back to bridge] Now the human's will never be able to reach us with their butterfly nets of death.
Soldier: But, sir, we usually just poof to Earth, we didn't have to destroy the bridge.
Jorgen: I LIKE to destroy the bridge!!

(Crocker's scepter is now useless without Cosmo and Wanda to power it)
Mr. Crocker: Well, I can still smack you around with this.

Timmy: [eating muffins] Blueberry... cranberry... banana nut...
Mr. Crocker: [scanning the flying muffins] Oat... wheat... [two muffins fly into his face] POPPY SEED!

Jorgen: What was I going to do next?
Cosmo: Uh, scramble the fairies?
Jorgen: Yes! I like to scramble the fairies! [Jorgen leaves in a large explosion]

Wanda: When are you gonna let me go?
Crocker: Hmm, what's today?
Wanda: Tuesday.
Crocker: Wednesday... Thursday... NEVER! [laughs]

Timmy: I'll never bow down to you, Crocker! I don't care how powerful you are, you're still a second-rate elementary school teacher. And shrimp puffs reek!
Crowd: Ooo.
Crocker: Hmm, what would an angry dictator say right now?
Wanda: I'm gonna let the fairy go?
Crocker: No! Good try though, I respect that. He'd say SILENCE!
(Fires a magic blast at Timmy)

Timmy: Chimpsdale?! [sighs] When this is over, I'm wishing for a world without puns.

Crocker: Students, this is a math problem. But in a world where magic and fairies exist, who cares? Math means nothing! A fairy can make two plus two equal fish. (draws fish on the board and twitches crazily to students)

Dad: [after being freed from Crocker's prison bubble] Timmy! Normally I don't like the chain look, but you pull it off quite nicely!

Monkey #1: So I heard, He gave him a Banana Ring!
Monkey #2 and 3: NO!
Monkey #1: And guess what? IT TOOK 3 WHOLE BUNCHS!
Monkey #2 and 3: OHHHH! (start speaking monkey) Ho ho ho!

Crocker: Hey, Turner, if the ape overlords haven't dissected you by Friday, you wanna come to my fancy dinner party? I'm serving shrimp puffs!
Timmy: Shrimp puffs are gross!

Crocker: [in cage] Hey look a muffin. Wait, according to this feeding chart, I'm not supposed to be fed till March. I better save this...

Ape #1: Hey, did you read the daily banana?
Ape #2: Yeah, Banana stocks are up.
Ape #1: That's bananatastic!

Cosmo: I like the species that throws their own feces!

Muffin Man: (singing) Muffin. Muffin. How about a muffin.

Jorgen: Something has interrupted my very muscular bath! What in the name of bulging triceps is going on?!

Crocker: I'm quiting teaching-
Students: Yaaaaaaaay!
Crocker: I'm quitting teaching to become...LORD OF THE UNIVERSE!!!

Timmy: [referring to his Mom and Dad] Man, I wish they didn't lie to me. [Cosmo and Wanda grant wish]
Wanda: Uh, did we just make it so Timmy's parents couldn't lie?
Cosmo: Yeah. [pauses for a second] You've gained weight.
Wanda: Ya know, we can still lie to each other.
Cosmo: Yeah, I know.

Kids: AHHH! Spinach! (The kids run away from Crocker's van now disguised as a truck full of spinach)
Crocker: Excellent! (Before Crocker can make a move a bunch of sailors are shown at the left side of the disguised van)
Sailors: Ahoy! Spinach!

Timmy: [whispering] Mustn't move. Mustn't make a sound.
Cosmo: [appears and yells into a mega phone] Hi Timmy! I got your hand!

Sanjay: Can I go to the bathroom?
(Crocker turns his head into a toilet)
Chester: Can I go to the Sanjay? (Crocker turns Chester's head into a urinal)

Timmy: The Crimson Chimp? Chimp Skylark?

Crocker: [singing] I am the master of man and ape I am the ruler of man and ape. Everybody sing!

Cosmo: [as Vader] Girls dig this cape! [holds up cape]

Principal Waxelplax: Crocker, what's this fork doing in my fanny?
Crocker: It's, uh, Cupid's fork of love. I love you!
Principal Waxelplax: How surprising... and unwanted.

Sanjay: My goodness, this muffin, it sparkles like the dew on the back of the cobra.

8-year old Timmy: [about Vicky] Did anyone else notice the lightning?

Cosmo: I don't wanna go away forever!

Wanda: We brought gifts!
Cosmo: We brought pals!
Wanda: I brought guys!
Cosmo: I brought cows!
Timmy: But just what the heck did I do?
Cosmo: [to Wanda] You brought guys?

Cosmo: Hey, did somebody die?

Jorgen: STOP!!!! Rule-free wish or not! You almost destroyed the world and you've revealed the existence of your fairy godparents! Your fairies must come to Fairy World with me at once! And this time they will be reassigned to a more trustworthy child! Any last words, puny earth-boy?
Timmy: Think fast! [throws the forget-me knob at Jorgen]

Mom: I bet we can go through every single one of these tapes and not find even ONE little white lie! [pops tape into VCR]
Mom and Dad: [to Timmy, on tape] The Stork!
Dad: Oh well.

Dad: Timmy! The school vine is here.

Muffin Guy: It's Muffin Monday!
A.J.: [with monkey] Oh. I thought it was monkey monday!
Chester: Aw man! Then what am I gonna do with this thing!? [holds up muffler]

Crocker: [before being beaten up twice] Oh, poopie.

Cosmo: Let's get this party started!

Crocker: Fairies! They're here! I can prove it! [laughing crazy until he is injected by Cosmo, causing him to scream and pass asleep]
[Timmy, Wanda, and Cosmo appear]
Cosmo: Night night crazy guy! [All three laugh]
Crocker [asleep]: Mommy.

From the DVD commentary

Wanda: [about Jar Jar Binks] He's the guy from that movie that everybody hated!

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